For those with weak-girl-like-stomaches, please refrain from reading the next paragraph. Now that you have been adequately warned… I want to blow your minds with a question that has been bobbing around in my head.
How long does it take for a girl to comfortably do a poo at a guy’s house?
I’ve done a few surveys and I’ve come to a conclusion that there are three different categories that most girls are divided into. Look, you may happen to be one of the rare few freaks that don’t fit into these categories, you should let me know cos you maybe one in a million.
So the first in these categories is the “Perfect Girlfriend”: she shits flowers, contains no bodily gases and body odour seems to slide off her skin. These types of girls wait until the perfect moment when she is alone to do a shit. She could hold it in for as long as half the day in order to exert the image of being the shitless one. She would bolt to the toilet as soon as her boyfriend hits the showers (here I’m assuming that showers and toilets are in two different rooms). She could bolt to the toilet when her boyfriend decides to begin cooking dinner. She could also run a toilet trip during the deep dark hours of the night when her boyfriend is sound asleep, oblivious to any toiletry sounds. For these girls, a can of toilet mist is your bestfriend.
Next in these categories is the “Shy Girlfriend”: she cracks jokes every time she makes bodily music to either camouflage the fact that she “let one off” or to make herself appear nonchalant. This girl produces a bodily noise accidently and panics internally hoping that it wasn’t heard. To offset this risk, she jokes about it so that they both laugh and prays all is forgotten. She, like the “Perfect Girlfriend”, will wait until the moment when their significant other is busily distracted in order to do the deed.
Thirdly and lastly, we have the “Bold Girlfriend”. In my person world, this type of girl is grotty, makes me shiver in disgust just thinking about it. She burps after food loudly, then follows to laugh about it, she might even wave it in your face. She would think its funny, but I think not. This girl farts more openly than a gay man at a gay parade. This girl would take a shit with the door open or take a shit when her boyfriend is in the shower (here I’m assuming the shower and toilet are in the same room). This girl is absolutely comfortable with the person she is with, it’s a case of “take me as I am, not who I can be”. I admire these girls but definitely would not want to be with one.
It took me quite a while to comfortably relieve myself at my partners place. I mean, come to think of it, I still don’t think I’m quite over it yet. Its been years and years now, and I find myself “Perfect Girlfriending” myself out. I never use the toilet when he’s taking a shower though, as the bathroom is right next door… the walls are so thin that I could probably hear a pin drop. Perhaps this anxiety regarding the toilet stems from my fear of girls who are “Bold Girlfriends”. I absolutely hate girls who burp around me and fart around me. In fact, I’m deathly afraid of them. Call me OCD, call me crazy but I can’t change who I am. However, I’m not one of those girly-girls either, don’t get me wrong! I’ll talk about shit, swearing, sex, hairy armpits etc with ease but I don’t want the methane of other people on me.
I don’t think that my inability to comfortably relieve myself in front of my partner means that I am not comfortable with him. I’m just not comfortable with myself…perhaps.
What about you?
Stay Awesome!
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