Pickups - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Reminiscing

Ever had a really memorable pick up? Ever had one so bad that you wanted to crack your shot glass against the club bar and plunge the damn thing into the unsuspecting guy’s eye?

I was sitting at my desk (to be fair, I AM sitting at my desk now but the reminiscing occurred before…thus I will use past tense) thinking back to the days when I clubbed as much as I drank water. Alcohol was my water, actually. Miss K and I were inseparable, we’d be out every Friday and every Saturday and/or Thursdays if there was special events on. We’d don our smallest, skimpiest outfits and party the night away. After being in the club scene for so long, I’ve had my fair share of pickups, some good, some funny, some scary and some just plain annoying.

One of the best pickups I’ve experienced belonged to an Asian guy at the bar. See during the night, I would have shitloads of tequila shots, 151 shots and vodka shots. That day, I specifically remember going to the bar for some water, as I was dangerously dehydrated. I leaned against the counter waiting for the barmaid to finish the guy (in front of me)’s order. The guy moved aside, handed me a shot and said “have a nice day” then walked off. To this day, I ,shit you not, remember him. That act of generosity and mystery intrigued me all night, although I never went to look for him or vice versa. I think this tops the list of pickup techniques.

Mr V’s pickup was one of the best, hence why I decided to go out with him in the first place. That particular night, I was feeling a little frisky, a little daring and a  little tipsy. Miss K and I partied at BLVD nightclub on a Saturday night and as usual I scanned the room for eye-candy. Miss K reported back with a couple of “nah, nope, eww, nah, not tall enough, too ugly…”, then I noticed a tall-ish guy with spikey hair (I have a panty-dropping weakness for spikey hair) looking directly at me. Usually I drop my gaze, from embarrassment but tonight I was very tipsy, and I decided to achieve the art of eye-sexing. This worked wonders, most of the night consisted of hot stares across the room to each other and then me sweating my skin off due to embarrassment. At long last, he ventured over with a beer jug…yes that’s right…a beer JUG and motioned me over for a chat. We chatted useless things but while he spoke with his breath in my ear, I wanted to ravish him on the floor. He bought me no drink, gave me no kiss, hinted at no sleaziness… yet it left me lingering for more.

Now, one of the worst pickups I have experienced involved a Korean man who used to be a male model. I know I know… it is exactly what you are thinking! Self-centered cunt thought he was quite a ‘sure win’, he thought he was every woman’s fantasy. Sure he had a pretty good looking face, and a pretty mad body and I guess if he never opened his mouth, I would have a different opinion of him. This is pretty much how our encounter was:

*Dances up against me*
Korean: Hey. You look hot.
Me: Nah, I don’t.
Korean: Wanna dance?
Me: Um… I’m with my friends right now. I’m sorry I can’t.
Korean: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Um… yes (I didn’t, but to get away, I said I did)
Korean: Why isn’t he here with you? You need to be with someone like me.
Me: Um…thanks but it’s okay.
*touches my necklace and moves realllyyyyy close*
Korean: Don’t miss out on this chance, I am a Korean lawyer.

At this point, I felt my eyebrows arch up and a look of disbelief take over my face. Can people say this? Do people say this stuff? Do people exist like this?

And if it couldn’t get worse, here comes his ex-girlfriend into the picture:

*grabs my shoulder and pushes me away from him like I was some slutface that glued onto her partner like a barnacle to a ship*

Apparently they’re broken up but she obviously wasn’t over it. But that’s not the point, the point is that I wanted no part in it. SHE could have him… I wouldn’t want to touch him at all.

It’s the end of work now, I’m getting up to leave.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!