That one person...

When you were 16:
You fell in love (or what you thought was love), you pictured playing wifey for your boyfriend and you designed your wedding dress. You are totally smitten with each other and hours apart seems like a lifetime. Time goes on and you either get your heart broken or you broke a heart. You cried endlessly for a week and felt that your will never be good again.

That's cute. 

But when you are 26 and going through the same cycle, that's just fucking sad. Like real-in-your-face-fucking-sad. There are few people in this country (I'm not going to say earth because let's face it... I don't earn enough to permit world travel so local it is) that come into your life with such strong magnetic attraction that makes you revert to a babbling-16-year-old-idiot. It's a great feeling to have and every second feels as good as breathing. Or better put, as NECESSARY as breathing. He needed your help and you needed his, much like the halves of Ying and Yang.

Just like every drug out there, a high cannot stay high. The higher you fly, the faster and further you fall. Three weeks since the end and I do admit that I'm struggling hard. Alright, so it's about me.

Growing in some Asian families, we aren't particularly communicative or affectionate. There is lots of love there but there isn't physical hugging or kissing of any sort. Not really sure why this is so but most of the people who grew up with me are the same. So our major issue was my communication of feelings. Funnily, I find it much easier to write about how infatuated I am with him than physically showing it, I get easily embarrassed and I fucking sweat down my neck.

Anyway, lasted only 2 days with no contact. Roughly 2 weeks of no visual contact and now I'm sitting here punishing myself for being unable to let go and forever trying to rope him in for more contact using excuses like "let's play Warcraft" or "my dog misses you, I'll bring him over". For god's sake woman, pull it together!!! I actually want to slap myself across the face in hopes that my head falls off and I grow a new one wiped from all memory.

Is there a pill for this?

Only joking. What was the point of this post? Just a reminder of how long it has been and the true reason why it is taking so long to get to the "Mourning Phase". I'm not even there yet. Bloody hell. I've just been grasping for straws... grasping for anything and holding on for dear life. It's my fault... I fucking admit it. Up and down, up and down... happy and not happy... too much for me to handle. Shit should easy right now because I'm supposedly wiser and more experienced. Where did I leave my last 10 years? Under the couch somewhere or did I drop it?

I think I need a drink. Or a shot. Or 5 shots really...

Email Addresses

Email addresses


There was a time back then when you had to physically ask a person how their life has turned out and you would be confronted with the “It’s been great” phrase-off. Wow… lot’s of information was just exchanged. Then obviously Facebook came into play and it’s emergency just transparentified everything. Who’s dating who? Who’s seeing who? Who is going where? And with whom?

The point of my post is work email addresses also tell a story

At the beginning of my current job, a friend said to me “wow I have like five email addresses under your name!” Of course, she exaggerated… I only have four. Putting aside the fact that I am probably acting like a career butterfly – flitting from job to job with no sense of any bloody direction… my email addresses actually tell a story.

My first email was from a small company and was my first role in Human Resources.

Firstname.lastname@company1.com.au

I obviously won’t give out my real email addresses. This email was used harder than the spacebar of a keyboard… constant emailing and ranting to a million different people. It was fun.

Then came my second email which was a public hospital in which I scored a contract role in payroll-related services.

Firstname.lastname@hospital1.com.au

Here I gained much needed payroll experience to keep under the belt in my next HR move. This was a shortlived email and I thank the lords that it was only for 6 months. Great knowledge gain, horrible manager. After I left, I heard from a birdy that there was a Fair Work investigation going on.

Then came my next email which was a recruitment administrator role in government. This was sadly a contract role and one role in which I really wished was permanent. If one were critiquing this, I could say that I was moving to a different environment and really working on more HR Skills.

Firstname.lastname@government1.com.au

And finally my currently role is again… back in a public hospital. I hope this isn’t a trend because I would seriously facepalm.

Firstname.middleinitial.com@hospital2.com.au

There. You noticed the middle initial. The hospital has two people with the same name and obviously I got the ugly latter version. But I can say that I learn much from this organisation and excelled only because of the experience from the last two organisations I’ve worked in.

Since my resignation is in place, I will be getting a fifth email. Wonder how different my life will turn out after this.

Looking back at the emails, I realised I’ve come far. I’ve started with no HR skills and worked myself up to where I am. I’m no HR expert but I’m no beginner either. I still remember the painful transition from Retail to Office work… I remember the nights where I’d be depressed because no one called back for an interview.

I forgot the reason why I posted this. Maybe just sentimental, I guess.

A Gold Solution to Promoting a Productive Workforce

Fire your $100,000 a year HR Managers and hire me. I've got the gold solution to solve all employee issues and promote a healthy workplace.

Rule One in Employee Productivity in the Workplace

Holidays. Grant your employees long holiday periods. Such periods of time will refresh the mind and negate all the built up negativity in the workplace. Negativity will diminish greatly as the employee will not be in the office to affect others.

The negativity will be sitting in front of the ocean in Bali.

The employee is happy. Colleagues are happy. The Manager is happy. Win-win situation.

Rule Two in Promoting a Healthy Workplace

Holidays. Grant your employees long holiday periods. Extended periods of time away in a sunny tropical country will bring about the healthiest of tans. The employee will return to work glowing from head to toe in a healthy all-over tan. Everyone in the industry knows that tans-equal-happiness. The effect of many tanned-bodies will promote the look and feel of a Healthy Workforce.

Rule Three in Increasing Employee Participation

Holidays. Send an email out about who wants to take on the next project with Mr-Crazy-Manager-Upstairs and I'll guarantee you will recieve no responses and maybe a few sick certificates. However, send an email out to your team about organising Holiday Leave? You will recieve replies in abundance. You, as a Manager, will be wearing the popularity hat for this period of blissful time. Employee Participation will be increased dramatically.

If you haven't already noticed... the common denominator in all these rules is Holidays. Holidays Holidays Holidays. I have Holidays on the brain right now. It's so alluring because I'm forbidden to take any holidays this year as my position does not allow for absence during the Christmas time. The more it becomes forbidden, the more it makes me want it. I want to be away from Australia and walking along the streets of a country that I have never been.

Excuse me for a bit... I am going to google some pictures of Paris to make myself feel better.

Every Diet Under the Sun

You name it, I've tried it.

Starvation Diet
No Carbs Diet
Dukan Diet
Liquid Diet
Lemon Detox Diet
Greens Only Diet
Before 6pm Only Diet

Here's a new addition to the list... the Veggo Diet. Pretty straight forward and I'd be surprised if anyone questioned what it was. Think carrots, cauliflower and an unending flow of broccoli...

Sounds daunting and it actually is...

Why all the hard dieting for, Yvonne?

I'm increasing my exercise routine from 3 days a week to 4 with spurts of netball inbetween. You'd think that one would lose weight and become rail-thin from all this exercise. Alas, the opposite effect seems to be occuring. I'm actually bigger than I usually am and I'm led to believe that what I put in my mouth is causing the problem.

Step One: Lose the mouth

If I could seal it up, I would. But since I can't, I'll have to do the next best thing available. Step 1 is coming in to terms with the fact that I will be dieting.

Step Two: Lose the meat

I am a lover of all things meat-related. I love a good hearty sausage or a nice slab of steak, so this step was the hardest to maintain. I was constantly visually teased with succulent slices of beef and juicy cubes of chicken... the nerve of everyone!

Step Three: Lose the mindset

Do something. Do anything to forget that there is meaty and carby goodness awaiting your greedy hands in the pantry. My after work indulgence was a can of tuna in italian-style oil. In fact, I just opened up my drawer and realised I have three cans in there silently pleading for me to devour them.

Step Four: Lose the kilos

This step is my favourite. Technically I cannot comment on how much I lost since I was too afraid to weigh myself prior to the weeklong diet and at the end. There was no "end" to the diet as I broke it instantly during a drunken Hen's night episode which was just sin after sin after sin...

My photos reveal a girl who is slightly thinner and slightly toner but not the thinnest stick in the forest which I never will be. But I'm happier that I stuck to my guns and saw it out to the end.

And today, I had the biggest, baddest and cheesiest wrap any human could eat. As you can see, the diet is off until next time.

Signing off,
Yvonne.

Resolutions are like promises.

A blink of an eye and it's halfway through the year already. The question on the tip of every 25 year old is... so what have I accomplished in life? Before I do a headdive into emoland... I do remind myself that I am still young and healthy. My ovaries are probably producing less eggs and slowly decreasing but hey... that shouldn't matter until I hit 30. I believe... I'm doing quite well. On the jobfront, I'm still being paid shitballs for doing more work than farmer during fertile-picking-season. So I guess that means I either need to pick up my game and apply for better positions or lower my career aspirations and live happily ever after - filing away employee paperwork. 

Glass is half empty, much?

Until then, what's most important in my life right now? My body. I was re-reading posts that I used to write and I was so diligent with noting down what I ate and/or binged. Lately, it seems my hands move at lightspeed and i end up forgetting what exactly it was that I just swallowed. Either it was:

a) Way too tasty to slow down 

or

b) Due to my intense hunger to slow down (I fear "b" could possibly be connected to "a")

Vicious Circle.

My last post was one of my "resolution" posts. You know, the whole "Okay I promise I'm going to start blogging more often and I'm going to update everything that's happening!"

Well, I did tell you that I started the Dukan... and if you read further down the page, you'll find... nothing else. Resolutions are resolutions - meant to be made and meant to be broken. Much like promises. 

Well a few good long months down the track of life, I still am battling the Dukan though Mr Dukan would probably spit on me if he knew how I'd ruined his diet. I'm trying hard to eat protein only but my body leans towards all the good food - all that food that you are suppose to eat before you die. I caved again today by indulging in an apple. Although it may not sound devlish to feast upon an mere apple, but in the eyes of Dukan... any fruit in the attack phrase is FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. 

It's 11:30pm now and I'm FAILING again on another resolution of mine - to sleep early. Which inevitably will effect my chances of success in my "do well at work" resolution. Before you know it, my "be successful in life" resolution will be gone.

My ZERO tolerance for stupid people...

Hey... don't misunderstand firstly because I'm not discriminating against people who actually are "mentally challenged". I'm clearly pointing my fat finger at people who CHOOSE to be stupid... there is a massive difference here. I mean... I may not have the IQ of Einstein but come on.....are you serious?

Have you ever met someone who just can't do something simple? Take admin work for example... doesn't take a degree to know how to do it. I understand if you are dyslexic and can't differentiate your A's, C's and Z's but the majority of people CAN. Well Mr. Numbskull can't do administrative work.  It must be terribly hard to put 8 pieces of paper together, whack it into a folder and tick off a checklist. 

During my phone texting one particular day... I was questioned exactly THREE times on how to do the work. THREE times. 

Thats 2 minutes of MY life wasted at your hands. 

I'm going to cheer myself up at the GYM now...

SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

First Loves Are For Amateurs

This blog entry should just be the title above - it says it all in a sentence. 

"Ohhhh but I'm different... my boyfriend and I have been through thick and thin together... we survived all of highschool. We are sooooooo going to get married." 

We've ALL heard this somewhere from some little teenage girl/guy in the midst of "first love". I don't buy it at all. And before you think of me as a cynical old lady... just remember that I have had 25 years of life... and thats probably 6 more years than a child of the above quote AND I was born sarcastic so forgive me if I might sound slightly very bitchy... okay forgive me cos I'm a bitch. 

Well... what is this first love business? First love, apparently, is meeting someone for the first time and falling head over heels for them. In this split second, you picture 50 years of looking at the same face, producing this person's offspring and laying intimately with this body that will gradually increase in size throughout the years. People can't decide what career path they want in life BUT they can imagine a future with a person they barely know. So... we got that straightened out. 

I think good relationships are hard work and it is the fruits of the hard work that make a relationship satisfying. "Perfect" first loves are never long-lasting. Some people take as long as three children to realise that they should've tested the waters alittle more. And here's another one of my points. Testing the waters. EVERYONE must test the waters before they take the giant leap in. Can you imagine if you married your "first love" bore them a child and realised later he likes his anus to be licked every full moon? Unless you like it too... it isn't really worth it. Testing the waters isn't cheating on your partner... because you are supposed to be single. Don't blame me though... try at your own risk. Basically, you are ensuring that YOU know who is good and who is not, who will teach you things and who will only rely on you. 

I can't lie and pretend that I am only just a preacher... I was once the naive little girlfriend who quoted that sentence above. 

If I could go back in time, I'd backhand myself to the ground. 

What the fuck was I thinking? 

Actually recently I came across an old mobile phone and was looking some old pictures. And there it was... a picture of the old flame. Most people would sit there and think of all the good times and perhaps there is this exactly picture hanging in a closet somewhere. BUT not me. I wanted to rip the phone in half, boil the remnants and spit on it for good measure. First love? Yes... that was my first love. It took me 4 years to finally see the light and so I want to help YOU cut your losses... 

Don't be disheartened though. I am a romantic at heart... I enjoy candlelit dinners and midnight walks down the beach... assuming that I am not chased by some beach rapist while I'm watching the rolling waves. I say... have fun first and settle down later.... Why do you think parents stress all the time? Why aren't they out bumming in the city or meeting friends out for drinks? They have responsibilities that you won't ever have until you become a parent. So wait.....

And since we're near the end... I'd like to add something:

My "What I Ate Today" List:

- 3 handfuls of Nutrigrain (i looooooooooooooooove nutrigrain... the stuff is the best!)

- Can of minestrone soup

- 2 tubs of fat free yoghurt

- Potatoes and chicken

- Mentos lollies

- Milo

I think i'll go hang myself from somewhere high... 

Fuck my life.......

Anyway..... ttyl