Gaining Weight During an Office Job

They say that almost half of all office workers report gaining weight. Add to that, every 1 in 5 office workers, 10 pounds are gained.

I should write up this information, on a nice piece of 190gsm paper in size 35 font and glue to my forehead.

I am a statistic to this piece of information. 

There’s no science in this… it’s really just one person sitting on their fat ass all day typing away at a computer. The only viable exercise would probably be that toilet trip that happens after morning coffee, or multiple coffees, in some people’s cases. I wish that skinny toned fingers were what differentiated between fat and skinny people. Sadly, its actually the size of our waist and diameter of our thighs. I’m exercising my arms right now as I type, twist around to grab a chip, then twist back to resume typing. One day, I intend, to have killer abs with this routine!

Some common barriers:

1. "OK! I'm eating healthy today!"
Follows with "OK, just today I'll eat KFC. But tomorrow, I promise to be healthy."
2. "OK! This salad will be for lunch"
Follows with "I'm hungry already, I think I may need to eat this chocolate to stay awake."
or Follows with "Since everyone in the office is getting [insert fatty food], I might as well."
3. "OK! I am going to the gym before work!"
Follows with "I'm so tired. Maybe tomorrow..."
4. "OK! I am going to the gym/run after work!"
Follows with "I'm so tired. Maybe tomorrow..."
5. "OK! I am catching public transport from now on so I can get exercise before/after work!"
Follows with "I like the privacy of my car, Public Transport people are wierd."

I’m telling you, I’m wearing the same shit as I wore roughly 8 months ago when I first begun working full time. At that time, the skirt was loose and I had to hold up the skirt with a belt as it was high waisted. NOW, it is still held up with a belt but its only because it won’t stay up under my boobs anymore, its just slides down because my ass keeps yanking it down.

I’m not complaining too much about the ass, apparently its widely known that men like bootys compared to boobies. Many strippers have flat boobs but really sexy asses, which is good, I guess… to slide up and down the pole… AND they look hot. AND people pay to watch this. 

Imean, have you ever looked at a picture of a bikini body then commented how flat her ass looks, and how it doesn’t look good? We’re all bitches at heart. I am. You are.