A Gold Solution to Promoting a Productive Workforce

Fire your $100,000 a year HR Managers and hire me. I've got the gold solution to solve all employee issues and promote a healthy workplace.

Rule One in Employee Productivity in the Workplace

Holidays. Grant your employees long holiday periods. Such periods of time will refresh the mind and negate all the built up negativity in the workplace. Negativity will diminish greatly as the employee will not be in the office to affect others.

The negativity will be sitting in front of the ocean in Bali.

The employee is happy. Colleagues are happy. The Manager is happy. Win-win situation.

Rule Two in Promoting a Healthy Workplace

Holidays. Grant your employees long holiday periods. Extended periods of time away in a sunny tropical country will bring about the healthiest of tans. The employee will return to work glowing from head to toe in a healthy all-over tan. Everyone in the industry knows that tans-equal-happiness. The effect of many tanned-bodies will promote the look and feel of a Healthy Workforce.

Rule Three in Increasing Employee Participation

Holidays. Send an email out about who wants to take on the next project with Mr-Crazy-Manager-Upstairs and I'll guarantee you will recieve no responses and maybe a few sick certificates. However, send an email out to your team about organising Holiday Leave? You will recieve replies in abundance. You, as a Manager, will be wearing the popularity hat for this period of blissful time. Employee Participation will be increased dramatically.

If you haven't already noticed... the common denominator in all these rules is Holidays. Holidays Holidays Holidays. I have Holidays on the brain right now. It's so alluring because I'm forbidden to take any holidays this year as my position does not allow for absence during the Christmas time. The more it becomes forbidden, the more it makes me want it. I want to be away from Australia and walking along the streets of a country that I have never been.

Excuse me for a bit... I am going to google some pictures of Paris to make myself feel better.

Every Diet Under the Sun

You name it, I've tried it.

Starvation Diet
No Carbs Diet
Dukan Diet
Liquid Diet
Lemon Detox Diet
Greens Only Diet
Before 6pm Only Diet

Here's a new addition to the list... the Veggo Diet. Pretty straight forward and I'd be surprised if anyone questioned what it was. Think carrots, cauliflower and an unending flow of broccoli...

Sounds daunting and it actually is...

Why all the hard dieting for, Yvonne?

I'm increasing my exercise routine from 3 days a week to 4 with spurts of netball inbetween. You'd think that one would lose weight and become rail-thin from all this exercise. Alas, the opposite effect seems to be occuring. I'm actually bigger than I usually am and I'm led to believe that what I put in my mouth is causing the problem.

Step One: Lose the mouth

If I could seal it up, I would. But since I can't, I'll have to do the next best thing available. Step 1 is coming in to terms with the fact that I will be dieting.

Step Two: Lose the meat

I am a lover of all things meat-related. I love a good hearty sausage or a nice slab of steak, so this step was the hardest to maintain. I was constantly visually teased with succulent slices of beef and juicy cubes of chicken... the nerve of everyone!

Step Three: Lose the mindset

Do something. Do anything to forget that there is meaty and carby goodness awaiting your greedy hands in the pantry. My after work indulgence was a can of tuna in italian-style oil. In fact, I just opened up my drawer and realised I have three cans in there silently pleading for me to devour them.

Step Four: Lose the kilos

This step is my favourite. Technically I cannot comment on how much I lost since I was too afraid to weigh myself prior to the weeklong diet and at the end. There was no "end" to the diet as I broke it instantly during a drunken Hen's night episode which was just sin after sin after sin...

My photos reveal a girl who is slightly thinner and slightly toner but not the thinnest stick in the forest which I never will be. But I'm happier that I stuck to my guns and saw it out to the end.

And today, I had the biggest, baddest and cheesiest wrap any human could eat. As you can see, the diet is off until next time.

Signing off,
Yvonne.

Resolutions are like promises.

A blink of an eye and it's halfway through the year already. The question on the tip of every 25 year old is... so what have I accomplished in life? Before I do a headdive into emoland... I do remind myself that I am still young and healthy. My ovaries are probably producing less eggs and slowly decreasing but hey... that shouldn't matter until I hit 30. I believe... I'm doing quite well. On the jobfront, I'm still being paid shitballs for doing more work than farmer during fertile-picking-season. So I guess that means I either need to pick up my game and apply for better positions or lower my career aspirations and live happily ever after - filing away employee paperwork. 

Glass is half empty, much?

Until then, what's most important in my life right now? My body. I was re-reading posts that I used to write and I was so diligent with noting down what I ate and/or binged. Lately, it seems my hands move at lightspeed and i end up forgetting what exactly it was that I just swallowed. Either it was:

a) Way too tasty to slow down 

or

b) Due to my intense hunger to slow down (I fear "b" could possibly be connected to "a")

Vicious Circle.

My last post was one of my "resolution" posts. You know, the whole "Okay I promise I'm going to start blogging more often and I'm going to update everything that's happening!"

Well, I did tell you that I started the Dukan... and if you read further down the page, you'll find... nothing else. Resolutions are resolutions - meant to be made and meant to be broken. Much like promises. 

Well a few good long months down the track of life, I still am battling the Dukan though Mr Dukan would probably spit on me if he knew how I'd ruined his diet. I'm trying hard to eat protein only but my body leans towards all the good food - all that food that you are suppose to eat before you die. I caved again today by indulging in an apple. Although it may not sound devlish to feast upon an mere apple, but in the eyes of Dukan... any fruit in the attack phrase is FAIL. FAIL FAIL FAIL. 

It's 11:30pm now and I'm FAILING again on another resolution of mine - to sleep early. Which inevitably will effect my chances of success in my "do well at work" resolution. Before you know it, my "be successful in life" resolution will be gone.