9 Weeks till the land of the rising sun...

Okay so I'm starting to freak out. I pulled up my computer calender and starting counting down to my beautiful Japan trip with Miss A. This is our plan so far:

- We will take the plane at 6am.
- ...

So... it isn't exactly a plan.

We have only NINE whole weeks to plan this trip, never noticed how fast time flies. Going to see the girls this weekend so hopefully Miss B can give me her Japan Guide Book. This will be the first time Miss A and I have ever been out of the country without adult supervision. It will be fun, it will be scary... but hell, it will be full of life experiences!

Since starting this full time job, I realised that I have regrettably neglected my important friends. I don't mean to do this... okay well I am in control of my own decisions so ultimately it IS my fault. It's just that I get so tired from counting down the hours of work and when I'm finally out of there, I just want to uncoil and relax at home.

So I've decided to pull my finger outta my butt and meet my friends! Got a dinner to celebrate...well celebrate isn't the word, more like good-wishing Miss R with a thigh-enlarging buffet dinner then off to an Asian club to dance off the buffet. The very idea of alcohol as a form of carbohydrate is so foreign to me, so in Yvonneland, I am burning off buffet fat.

Tell me I'm in denial, and I'll tell you to stuff off.

So I decided to stop procrastination and get straight to it. I websurfed through a couple of Japan Rail Pass sites and something hit me, it's going to cost me $600 for a 2 week railpass. *mental headslap* Then the memory of my excitment a few months ago when I purchased Japan airtickets at $500 each flowed back and in summary, travelling to/around Japan aint gonna be cheap.

These Shinkansen better be top-notch quality. Melbourne's shit public transport system is almost worth the $10 I pay, so if I'm paying roughly $42 a day to take the train in Japan, it better be royalty-quality. Many many eons ago when I was in highschool, I did take the Shinkansen from Tokyo to somewhere far which I can't recall, and it was clean. What I loved most about it was the food trolley being carted up-and-down the aisle, being the glutten I am, I managed to dig up cash everytime she came past.

This trip isn't going to be cheap, i'll bet.

Okay okay, I'll stop facebooking, twittering and blogging at work, and actually do some work.

GIRLS WHO STAY WITH MEN THAT CHEAT.

Girls who stay with men who cheat.

Went blogsurfing today and I came across a blog with a girl who was obviously suffering the effects of subjecting herself to a partner that was probably unfaithful. This is what she said:

"I cant stand being around you because each time that I'm with you, it reminded me that you were doing the exact same thing with her."

So I assume she is still with him. Look this is not a dig at her at all. I know personally, perhaps way too personally that there are people who still want to be with their unfaithful partners. These people will be sad, they will lose sleep over that lack of trust they have for their partners but wake up all happy for a short amount of time.

You, stupid girls, will try to make excuses for him. This is natural. You have a sense of hope that what happened... didn't really happen. I'm sorry to pop your bubble but it did. These excuses are so annoying, especially since you stupid girls give the same advice to your friends but can't manage to swallow your OWN advice.

"As long as I'm happy right now, it's all that matters".

It is actually not. It is NOT all that matters. IF you are only happy right now what will your future be like. Is it okay to be sad then? I don't think that it is "alright" to have distrust in a relationship, especially a relationship built on the foundations of lies. If he cared enough for you, he wouldn't have treated you like this. What I don't understand is that, WHY can you just put aside the REASON why you were sad in the first place? Is it because when you are happy, all the bad stuff just magically "didn't happen" and he suddenly only sees YOU in his eyes? Thats bullshit. If he cared enough to keep you happy, he wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

In summary: If he came back to you, he doesn't love you over everything. He knows you will always be his Backup Plan B.

"I want to keep seeing him, sooner or later I'll get sick of his ways and I'll end up leaving him!"

This is actually the worst. I wasted so many tears and unsleepable nights on trying to explain myself to an important person in my life.

This is pure denial.

You are not confronting the problem. You are putting the problem somewhere at the back of your mind and hoping like hell that it doesn't resurface again. Sooner or later, you will get burnt by this. You are just holding on to hope that he will miraculously change his spots and become the dream man that you will marry.

BUT if he has cheated before then he will cheat again. I'm not saying that all men who cheat are serial cheaters but once you realise HOW EASY it is to cheat on someone and HOW EASY you can get away with it and HOW EASY the girl will come back to you DESPITE what you did... then why wouldn't you cheat again?
It's just common sense.

In summary: If you put this problem away and not address it, you will always be his Backup Plan B.

"I know he cheated on me but he is changing for me."

I don't get what the confusion is. Yes, he SAYS he is changing for you but have you seen it yet? Okay, so he says he loves and wants to change for you so why did he cheat in the first place. I can answer this for you, this guy cheated on you because he finds other females attractive, he would sacrifice what you have in your RELATIONSHIP for a good night of fun. I don't think there is a logical reason to stay with a guy who decided that another woman was worth the pain it will cause you.

He is selfish. He can only think of himself and his own desires. And let me tell you, the person that he truly desires is NOt you. It is every other skank he sees. He may hug you and kiss you and tell you that you are so hard to leave and therefore he has realised "once and for all" that YOU are the one for him.

Why... why for god's sake would you believe that? Didn't you believe, for the first time, that he wanted to be with you and only you? So don't fall for it.

In summary: The person he desires isn't ONLY you... he is selfish.

Now here's another thought, how can you be so sure that it has only been the ONE cheating time?

So you are a pretty girl with MANY MANY other people possibly wanting to be in a relationship with you. Why would you stoop so LOW to be someone's BACKUP PLAN. Why not be the queen in someones eyes, the Lady Evangeline in Casanova's life.

If you are staying with your man for the wrong reasons, if you are with him knowing that he is with other women at the same time but keep giving him excuses, I've got one thing to say:

I PITY YOU. I FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE DUMB.

No such thing as a short term happiness.

Are you in love?

How are you so sure that he is the one you are going to spend the next 50 years with? 

Ok sure, it feels right, it feels like you've known him for ages.. yeh yeh all that shit. I've heard this all before, hell, I've even been the one to say it. My previous relationship was so bad that I was constantly trying to convince other people that "it was okay" so that I would be convinced of it myself. I was young and naive at that time, believing that I'd met my soulmate and we'd live happily ever after.

Because he was my very first boyfriend, he knew he could take advantage of me. This one moment stood in my memory, ingrained into my brain forever. He was taking me to his house from my house and on the freeway, we had an argument about my sister. Before I get on to that, this is conversation involving my sister that started my "realization" if you must call it something:

(Miss A and I were driving to a nearby shopping center)

Miss A: Hey your phone just got a message, since you're driving, want me to message him back?

Me: Yeh sure. What does the message say?

Miss A: It says "I'm Hungry"

Me: Message him and ask him what he wants for dinner, we'll pick up something for him while we're at the shopping center.

Miss A: *messages that*

Ex: I want TWO pies. The largest one possible.

** the inside joke here was that Miss A and I were on strict diets and he could eat whatever he wanted as he was a man with infinite metabolism**

Me: Ah! What nerve! *laughs*

Miss A: Lets write back "Du ma you :) hahaha"  (du ma = means fuck your mother in vietnamese but is used as frequently as Fuck You is used)

Me: Yeh!

Minutes later, we recieved a pretty funny message.

Ex: What the fuck did you just say? How dare you diss my mother. Fuck you too.

Me: What? 

Miss A: What?

Me: Write back and ask him what the hell that meant. It was a joke. oh my god...

Ex: So you think its funny to diss my mother? You think it's all a joke to you huh? Fuck you too.

We were walking around in the shopping center with the biggest blank looks on our faces. It was so... unreal.

After that, he "broke up" with him, only to call back several days later and demand an apology. He treated Miss A so badly after that, ignoring her presence when in fact, it had nothing to do with her. IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. This jerk just made it all up in his head... the whole world was against him. God, that makes me laugh. If I was still with him, I'd be the biggest, dumbest fool there ever was.

So anyway, back to the original story. In the car to his house, the argument regarding Miss A resurfaced and before I know it, I was yelling, he was yelling... in a fit of anger I told him that his car was a piece of shit and that it would be sold because it's worth shit-all.

What happened afterwards took me by complete surprise... I just never thought a person would do this. He turned his car off the freeway and headed back to my place, telling me that he didn't want to see me for the weekend. Then he proceeded to yell at me to APOLOGISE TO HIS CAR. 

Umm...

No way.

I can barely apologise to another human being let alone to your car?

So I did the next best thing possible, as I got out of his car, I slammed the door and kicked it with my 4 inch heels. 

I walked away with the biggest smile on my face.

Long live Yvonne! :)

So the point of this post was to say that, even if you feel that you are happy or in love, please please look around. You may not notice the bad signs but other people can see it and will often tell you. So be a smart girl, open your eyes and note for yourself that if there is something bad, let it go. Holding on will do you no good. 

If you are happy only in the short term, chances are high that long term you will be unhappy. 

Life is way too short to waste on things like short term happiness, think ahead and mould your own future. 

DO NOT LET OTHER PEOPLE DETERMINE YOU.

Plastic Surgery

I just into a heated argument with a colleague about Plastic Surgery.

I noticed it was getting heated because my voice became alittle shrill and I was on the verge of throwing a chair over the other side. My colleague was not at fault at all, I was just annoyed that she didn't understand my point of view. I love the girl but I love my opinion alot more.

So anyway, here's a flashback:

Miss K: Omg, there's girls as young as 18 going overseas getting plastic surgery.
Me: Yeh I know, I read somewhere that lots of girls are getting surgery before they go to university so that noone will know its fake.
Miss K: Oh really?
Me: I have nothing against people getting plastic surgery if it means they feel better about themselves when they step out the door. Nothings wrong with being happy about yourself.
Miss K: That's not what I think. I get annoyed that these girls want to be like those perfect beings in the media. I hate those girls who start with one surgery then go on for more to become freaks... like Michael Jackson.

At this point, I was sorta annoyed. Firstly, I have nothing against plastic surgery. I believe that some girls and guys aren't blessed with everything they want. Some girls are naturally well-endowed who can walk out with minimal effort but there are other girls who won't wear a dress because they feel like a troll. Some of these girls have such low self esteem, they walk with their heads down hoping no one will notice them and for sure, they believe that no one WILL look at them. I'm sure you've heard the saying that life is so short... the earth itself is millions and millions of years old, and each human life is worth 100 years...if that. It's a pretty small amount of time to be alive. Why would someone want to waste a quarter of their life (namely 10yrs-35yrs) on being unhappy with they way their bodies are?

I can say this because I also have low self-esteem. I am never happy with my body, always seeing fat on arms, legs or tummy. I am never going to walk out completely barefaced, even on the day I die, the make up artist will make me up the way I am now (except i'd be alot older lol). I get people telling me that I look great and I'm not fat and prehaps I know thats true but the fact remains that it IS inside my head... it is very hard to change. So if it is that hard for me, it must be 100x harder for someone who IS physically not as perfect. I know I know... "Every person is beautiful in their own way..." this may be true when YOU look at other people, but it is certainly not true in the mind of the low-self-esteem person.

So Miss K says: Everyone is beautiful, you should just tell them to try think more positive about themselves. You should go out without your makeup, you'll change your attitude.

This infuriated me more. IF I can't even take my makeup off for myself, how can I do that in front of other people. I'll feel exposed and out-in-view for other people to mock and judge me. "Oh she's got uneven skintone" "Oh she's got dark eyebags" "Oh omg never knew she had pimple scars"... Make up covers this for me and I can shine when I talk to other people. I speak and act with confidence.

Imagine someone who doesn't even have the courage to put on makeup because they feel so inferior. Or prehaps the girl with small flat boobs that is so insecure that she wears baggy clothing when what she really wants is a nice tube dress. That's all she thinks about.

Michael Jackson, ok I'm not saying what he did was right and SANE but he was hating his black skin. He probably thought about having lighter skin day and night. So when he achieved lighter skin, I'm sure he was much happier and felt that life was actually more interesting now. Although he had so much money and so much fame that he did go overboard. This is not the case to the average person.

So don't judge someone who has worked hard and saved up enough money to prettify themselves. Its exactly the same as you buying makeup from a department store. If I had enough money, who says I wouldn't change any part of me. I'd get a nose job (since I'm asian... and am endowed with what I call a PETITE nose) and prehaps a boob job if I could. I want to wear a tube top without the fear that it might slide down my stomach. I want to wear a bikini and fill it out, I want to be one of those girls that other girls point to and say "wow.. she looks so hot".

The important thing is being happy. If you are happy, you should do it. Don't waste your life on being depressed. Although this does not glorify those who abuse plastic surgery, cos I don't stand for that.

Cacoethes. What is it?

I did something stupid again yesterday. I nearly flooded the country with my stupid tears, now the forests hate me because I had to blog dry all the water with tissues. Not to mention the bloating of my face, eyes and nose...

But luckily I had my trusty Ben Nye Colour Wheel. The green in the middle evens out red blotchy skin, and by this time, I looked like I'd be scolded with hot water, then cried then slapped a couple more times. Normally you'd use the Green concealer to even out sunburnt red on faces, red flaming pimples or even overly red skin ezcema or something? Anyway, I put it on all parts of my face, swiped on somemore foundation and looked like a Chinadoll. Add some dark mascara and dark shadow in the corner of my eyes, I only looked like I was bloodshot but pretty. hahahahaha! Long live makeup!

In anger, spitting out regrettable words is my cacoethes. I can't help it, it just comes out and it is generally something that I know will hurt you and if you react to it, I love it more. But as good things come, so do bad things... I always feel mega regret after an anger session. "Hey shut up for a second, what's that word?" Glad you noticed:

cac·o·ë·thes [kak-oh-ee-theez] -noun
an irresistable urge; mania.

Slacked off yesterday due to a family get-together and didn't go to the gym. I couldn't say that I was sad.. in fact, I was secretly pumping my fist in the air YESSSS... But now I feel shithouse. But I've got a class to go to tonight and that should increase my happiness, even if it's for a couple of hours afterwards. Tonight's class is Bodyattack and there's going to be alot of sweat, alot of grunting and lots of cheerleading moves, you know where you lift your knee and pump ur fist in the air... do that once on your right then another on your left side.

Oh yeh, I installed this new Formspring app on this blog, that way I can answer questions. Bit wierd but it may be the next big thing...

Running off now...its 5pm!

Online life vs traditional life.

No wonder people all around the world are heavier than their ancestors hundreds of years ago. We're engulfed in this phenomenon called "onlineism". Everything is within fingertip-reach which means that you don't need to get up, get changed, drive out and physically buy the item you need. You could be in your undies and a 5 week old tee, no makeup and unbrushed hair and still purchase the newest trendiest clothes that your traditional friend has. Long gone are the days where you get together with girlfriends and walk around, nowadays people communicate through social networking, twittering what online shop they're addicted to, discussing which item to buy and paying through visa cards.

Supermarket
Coles has an online shopping system which people can select items online and have groceries delivered to their doorstep early in the morning.
No more pushing shopping trolleys around aisle after aisle, the only thing you are pushing now, is the front door.

Retail Clothing Stores
People can view all clothing pieces on one page, each clothing split conveniently into different categories. No more scavanging through clothes looking for your perfect one then having to try it on, you now only look at measurements provided on your screen and pray to god that it fits.

Education
You can pretty much obtain a certificate, degree or diploma of anything on the internet. You are given lectures, e-books and online support for a price. No more lugging 10 big books in your bag and having to get up early to take transport down to university, instead you can sit at home in your pjs while you seek advice from someone who is probably in the same state as you are in.

Gossip
Obtain daily gossip from internet websites dedicated to exposing celebrities and dishing dirt. No longer do you need to wait weekly for a gossip dose, or for that matter, pay $8 for it. Perezhilton offers it free...

Social
You can catch up with friends from primary school and friends from overseas... or even friends in general. Sometimes you may be too tired to see them and opt for an easier approach to stay in touch. You don't need to hold back on opinion, words are easier to type than say.

Dating
If you have a hard time finding a partner, why not go online to attempt to strike a match against millions of other people just like you. See their faces before you even meet them, and you can silently judge them. No need for those awkward blind date moments when you arrive and realise "oh shit, I shouldn't have come". Easily avoidable but not foolproof since people tend to post their best picture online, even if it was 30 years ago.

Booking
You can even book for things online. Fancy a pizza? Book online and it will be delivered to your door and you don't even need to speak to some pimply-adolencent guy on the phone. You can book for flights online without, again, having to get dressed and out the door to your travel agent. Hotels etc as well.

Banking
Pay for bills? Post office? Branches? What are these? We've gone way past this and now we do all this online without having to leave the seat. Pay for bills while you play World of Warcraft, just be careful not to enter your details into the game...

Stalk People
You can even stalk people online with the help of Whitepages. Whitepages online gives you addresses and phone numbers of people, you only need to type their names in. THEN google maps will show you what their street looks like. Stalk someone from your house.

Although I don't concur with stalking people online, but hey, it happens.

I'll write an entry more about MY life in the next few hours.

I put a curse on you.

What to do when you feel defeated?

According to the wise words of Elizabeth Kenny - "He who angers you, conquers you"...  no one can make you feel less of who-you-are unless you allow him to. I am usually never a 'quote-paster' but I've been hoarded with depression lately. I hate it when thoughts linger on your mind unconciously and you find that you need a paste a smile on your face to hide the monster inside you. My smile is slowly peeling away and recently I let loose the monster inside me, which I regret. I yelled, I cried and spoke words out of anger... we all know angry words hold no base. Was it the situation that made me angry or the fact that control was slipping through my fingers.

I had a deep hard think about this point and I realised that I blew up because I lost control. Instead of beating myself silly for the next couple of months or years, I realised that I need a solution to the problem. The problem of the problem IS the problem. So as the quote above, I am going to relinquish control on the situation and instead, control myself. If I can control my mind, my emotions and obviously my words... I WILL be in control.

Even if that means that Dickface will screw over someone I love, I will not say a word.

Even if that means Dickheadface will hurt someone I love, I will not say a word.

Even if that means Dickheadface will get what he wants while he has Backup Plan B waiting quietly for him, I will not say a word.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a saint. Not even close to it. A bitch can't change her tone, as a leopard won't change it's spots.

I will stand from afar and curse him:

- Hope your penis curls up and dies!
- Hope your muscles turn into fat and you get tuckshop-lady-arms!
- Hope your hair-recedes early!
- Hope your penis shrinks, its probably already puny so any other shrinkage won't make a difference!
- Hope you get your heart broken and cheated on!
- Hope your teeth fall out from that blowjob you will give to a man!
- Hope your shitbox car breaks down on you while you are in the middle of nowhere!

So... that's a good start. I feel in control already. Control YOUR mind and you will control the situation. I like that.

That was an awesome rant, I actually feel much better. If in doubt, chant the curses above about who you hate and you'll feel instantly better too. God, I hate him so much... sometimes it shits me up the wall when I know that he gets what he wants... female attention. Even his OWN mother knows that he is a man-whore... imagine that! Your own mother knows how you whore yourself around and then leave a trail of crying girls while you move onto your next prey. You fucking dickface.

Oh shit... I'm losing control again. *pauses, closes eyes*

Sparkly Marlborough Sauvgnion Blanc in my frost glass... mmmm

Okay... *takes a deep breath* I'm okay.

Got a call today from Chitra, I have been doing makeup for her fashion shows for about 2 years now. It's always exciting to know that you can do a good job even if you've been out of the game for a while. Which gets me thinking... should I venture back into the land of cosmetics? It sounds glamourous but its far from it... it's chaotic behind a show and you are being pushed to do all sorts of stuff.

It's a good thought to think about for now... I'll definately revisit it soon.

Recipe to solve a problem.

Is it possible to feel anger, sadness, guilt, hate and worry all at the same time?

Kudos to you, if you never experienced it. It's damn confusing.

Maybe I should run into the heart of the city, pull my pants down and dance the macarena? With my hands occupied and my bare ass broadcasting itself, I am so sure humiliation would trump all attempts of anger,sadness,blahblahblah...

Ok so being a slight witzelschult about this.

hahahaha! You just look at the screen "what the..."

Witzelschult [vit-səl-ˌzu̇t] - noun
Inappropriate  or  pointless  humor  especially  when  considered  as  part  of  an  abnormal  condition 

I'll wake up one day, and the problem will solve itself. OR I'll wake up one day and the problem will escalate, getting worse and worse and worse and worse. Come to think of it, theres only one way to solve this problem.

Ingredients I'll need:
- 1x blind Fold
- 1x Knife
- 1x Box of Sleeping Pills
- 1x Small bag of Cement

Method:
1. Mix cement thoroughly.
2. Fill ears and smooth off with a spoon.
3. Wait to dry.
4. Take knife and gently remove eyeball from each socket
5. Cement will ensure your scream will not affect you.
6. Take sleeping pills at once with some lukewarm water.
7. Sleep it off.

Result:
You can't see the problem, or hear the problem. A solution, no doubt.

Money slipping through my fingers

"Word of the Post" Post

abligurition [Ab*lig`u*ri"tion] - Noun

Excessive spending on luxurious indulgences.

Apparently I am suppose to bring my ass (and great big mind) to Japan in less than 3 months. I am approximately worth $3500 and sadly, this amount is inclusive of this weeks mediocre pay. So it's safe to say, I'm actually worse less than that, as of this moment. In less than 3 months, I am claiming that I will have an adequate $6000 for my trip. Claims are claims though, like promises, are meant to be broken. Not to mention that no hotels have been booked, no train tickets have been booked, hell... I don't even know what places to visit. Miss A and I are last minute people.

You know, "last minute people" almost has a negative connetation to it. I beg to differ. Why don't you see it in MY light?

Last minute people [lāst'mĭn'ĭt pee-puhl] - Adjective

People who are very productive, try to complete many things at once. Exerts enormous energy when pressured (ie. deadline). Usually completes the task.

So, it's safe to say that Miss A and I will plan our entire trip within the last week before our trip. WE will freak out if something doesn't go to plan... but then again, that is the life we all live, isn't it. Life is full of unplanned risks, chances and coincidences.

One of the biggest reasons why I am worth so little is because of my weekly abligurition (see definition above). I get tempted easily when I walk into food shops, this is amplified tenfold if it is a fast food joint. Come on people, who can resist the McDonald's Cheeseburger. Many have fallen to their knees and out of their diets because of this.

I need a business idea... nice quick and easy to do.

Come on Brain, THINK.