Picky Eaters

Another one of those days where I lay in bed for an extra 20 minutes contemplating whether to haul my ass out to the gym.

Did it and feel pleased, as usual.

But now, I feel so naughty. In my viewpoint, I have gone to do the impossible ala gym, and now I deserve something as a reward. By reward, im feeling... something cheesy, heavy and calorie-packed. I'm sensing lasagna, pizza or maybe even a buffet trip to Chinabar Signature. SO I gym'ed for 4 days now, I think I deserve something right?

Hopefully Mr V isn't in one of those moods again, one of those "I'm going to be healthy from today onwards, no carbs, no sweets and no fat". This is followed by "I'm going to have salad today, you don't have to have this, you can order something else." I absolutely hate this!! Makes me feel like Mr V's having dinner with a water buffulo with an binging disorder.

I know...I know... you probably think Im hypocritical. Those exact thoughts go through my head everytime I eat out too, but I never Verbally announce it.

I eat now, regret later.

Don't you hate eating with someone that orders a soup for dinner when your having the lobster feast?

Don't you hate it when someone picks around for vegies ONLY when the dish has other stuff in it?

Don't you hate it when someone looks at the menu for half a century, asks you about the lasagna, the steak, the fish and chips but then orders a salad "on-a-whim" because they "can't decide"?

If you are going to be that health-concious, why go out to eat at all? Why not stay home and eat your steam vegies in peace and quiet with no pressure? We all know how "bad" eating out is... the reason why the grass is greener on the other side is because more oil, more fat, more msg, more sugar and more cocaine is included to entice the consumer.

I have a confession to make though. It's hard to explain, so how about I conversationalise it?

Mr V: hey, want some 2 minute noodles?

Me: (looks at the time, omg it's 9:00pm) Nah, I'm not hungry. You make it for yourself.

Mr V: you haven't even eaten yet, how about I make a pack for us each?

Me: (stomach grumbles) Nah, it's okay. I don't want any.
Mr V: okay then. (goes off to make noodles)

- After the noodles are cooked and on the table -

Mr V: try some?

Me: Okay.

- Mr V looks at his half eaten bowl.

I know what he's thinking. He's thinking "Why the fuck can't she just tell she wants some and I would've made it. Now she's just eaten half of mine. WOMEN!"

So yes, I confess I'm one of those women that will "try" half of your food in order to not feel as if I've eaten the whole plate of food.

If you have dinner with me, let me tell you, yes means no, and no means yes. Just be smart about it.

STAY AWESOME

DUDE

I hate it when people end a sentence with "DUDE".

1. Are you stoned?

2. Are you high on weed?

3. Do you own a surfboard and surf the waves daily?

4. Are you a guy?

When someone comes up to me and says "Are you getting that breadstick, dude?", are you talking to ME? Are you referring to me who is elegantly clad in 3 inch heels, short mini-skirt and a plunging neckline? Which part of me looks like a dude would look?

So in conclusion to this little additional blog, if you didn't answer YES to any of the above, please please please don't use "dude".

It doesn't sound cute.

It doesn't sound cool.

It doesn't sound smart.

It doesn't sound geniune.

STAY AWESOME

I'm already drained on a Thursday

I am feeling extremely drained to the core today. Perhaps it's because Thursday is a day away from Friday or perhaps the fact that I didn't get my 8 hours worth of free sleep. I was up late last night finishing off some Roses for the joint company owned by my sister and Yours Truly. Actually since I'm here talking about this, I may as well advertise...

The company we jointly own is called SUTSA PATISSERE and you guessed it, desserts galore. What really distinguishes SUTSA goodies and commercial mass-produced goodies, is that we found a niche in the market. Everyone wants custom made cakes that really define who they are, especially on birthday celebrations etc. Each cake or cupcake is handmade with precsion.

Okokok enough with the advertising.

I ended up going to bed at 12am which would normally seem okay except for the fact that I had to wake up at 4:50am the next day for my BodyPump class. I do want to say Congratulations to myself for dragging myself out of bed this morning. A million voices in my head justified why I didn't need to worry myself with gym today; too cold, too tired, need sleep, went gym yesterday, take it easy, its thursday.... I can't say that I was immune to all this, I felt myself sway further to my nice warm electric-blanketed bed. I'm lucky that I am naturally a wishy-washy type of girl so I decided on a whim... to tell myself to shut the fuck up and attend the class.

Although I'm glad I gave my muscles a workout, now I feel the after-effects of too much energy-exertion. Now the Scientologists think that when someone is exhaused, that means you have an MU. MU's means misunderstood word. So when you go past a word that you don't understand, you apparently get tired, angry etcetc. I'm exhaused, does that mean I'm not understand something? They also think that to get a person OUT of exhaustion, you get them working... which is something that I CAN see working. Maybe I justneed to get off my high horse and work like a dog...

There's a box of Arnott's Country Cheese Biscuits sitting on the table. It's boxy eyes are staring me down, we're actually locked into a staring contest. Whoever eats the opponent wins, and since Arnott's Country Cheese can't very well chew me, its safe to say I'll win in the end. But am I really winning? Am I going to still feel like a winner tomorrow morning when I have to sweat at the gym?

So the "What-Have-I-Eaten-Today" list:
- 6 or 7 Arnott's Country Cheese Biscuits.
- A extra large bowl of Oats with Bovril to taste.
- Bowl of Yoghurt with Barley mueseli.
- 2 Oreos.
- 1 slice of White Bread.

It seems the majority of my blog entries are related to food, to exercise or of my guilt. When I got asked recently, what is on my attention most of the time? I didn't need to think about my answer, "my weight" was my reply. It's probably bad to have weight as an issue to focus on, but I just can't help it. I like to talk about what I ate because this gets it off my chest and onto epaper.

So the eforests can hate me all they want for wasting epaper...

STAY AWESOME

Traffic blocking

I was super pissed off this morning... let me tell you why.

So it is your typical wednesday morning, I credit myself for waking up early for an early morning gym class, and after completing a half hour of torturing-yourself-by-cycling class, I'm feeling pretty satisfied.

Then I got into my car, and drove to Venus Bay. For those who don't know, Venus Bay is a beach located roughly 2 hours away from Melbourne.

AND also what you don't know is that I lied. I DID drive for 2 hours but I was only in Melbourne, in fact, only 15 minutes away from my house! On my way from the gym to work, I waited and crawled in line in traffic for two hours! At the Burke Rd roundabout, two dumb cop cars blocked off a one-way entry into the road and you guessed it, we had traffic the size of godzilla. Apparently some car cozied up around a pole. Another hoon driving a car too powerful for him to handle? Or perhaps a hoon who thinks he's topshit rally car driver, swirving in and out of lanes?

I absolutely hate drivers that are slow. If your eyesight is failing you, go get a nice decent pair of glasses and a Metcard. Melbourne is swarming with public transport, that maybe a good place to start. Don't drive in the right lane because there are other people, believe it or not, that are on the road too and are desperate to get somewhere.

I hate drivers who take their own sweet time making a turn. I have only one question for you people, "are you going to turn or not?" Make up your mind cos I sure as hell will make it for you. Do you need to slow down 10 meters before the damn turn, will the turn be more better that way? If you're making a turn, you signal and then when you get to your destination, guess what, you turn! You don't have to think about angles, aerodynamics, exact positioning, or global warming... its just a twist of the wrist and vua~la...

I loathe drivers that think that their car is topnotch. I don't mean rich people who have luxury cars, because yeah... you can brag as much as you want. I'm talking about people who drive shitbox cars, rice it up (add as many modifications as they can possibly fit/or afford) and drive like they own the road. Tailgating, sudden lane changing, close overtaking, no signalling and speeding... these people are the pimples of society. They are NOT wanted and when we do see one, we wanna reach out and destroy the damn thing, then hopefully put some toothpaste on it and hope it never resurfaces again.

Well in the end, I arrived at work an hour late, trying to look as out-of-breath as possible. You know, the whole "omg I'm late, I'm so sorry but I practically ran to work... god! its not my fault." Yeh... you all know the routine.

My mood is gradually getting better though. I recieved a sms a while ago from Mr V, whom I am meeting up for a nice quickie.... dinner, that is. We've decided on Burritos but we think with our stomachs so often, we never end up eating what we previously discussed. Maybe if he cooks me a dinner worthy enough, I might have to repay him for his kindness... on my knees.

Here's something that I haven't posted for a while:

The "What-have-I-eaten-today" list:
- Chicken ham sandwich
- 3x Chocolate Wafers
- 1x Extra large bowl of Oats with Bovril to taste
- Half a packet of Arnott's Country Cheese Biscuits
- Burritos (future food)

Thats all I have to say today...

STAY AWESOME

Audiobook Love

I am helplessly attached to the audiobook. Forget paper cuts, burning eyes and paper smell, you can now upgrade yourself to 0% effort aka "the audio book".

No, I am not selling audiobooks and no, it's not a religion. But I am telling you how awesome they are!

Oh, for people who have no clue what it is, an audiobook is an audio format for a book. So in EVEN more simpler terms, for the EVEN more simple minded person, someone reads the books for you while you sit back like a vegetable.

Let me paint a picture of what my life would be without it:

1. I would've have multiple car accidents, possibly lose a limb due to fatigue-driving.
2. I would've left my job due to my dislike in long hours of sitting in traffic listening to commercial radio.
3. I would have lost IQ points only listening to commercial radio.
4. I would be richer as audiobooks cost money to buy.
5. My ipod would have gone to waste. Mr V would have spent $$$ for no reason and perhaps dumped my ass for appearing ungrateful for his gifts.
6. I would be single due to the above.
7. I would have mega thick glasses as my eyes would roll themselves backwards due to 1000s of words being processed through my head.
8. Life would be dull.

I simply can't sit in a car without whipping out my ipod and listening to the latest chapter. Although commercial radio stations are good for those who want to know more about an ant fart or why some Cop woman went to dinner instead of a bushfire... but for those, like myself, who don't give two fucks, will instead enjoy an audiobook. Erotica, vampires, sci-fi, drama, comedy... you name it!

What I'm listening to at the moment?

Hot Six by Janet Evanovich, the Stephanie Plum series.

This was my first non-vampire series. I love the characters in this series as each character is so real, makes me think that these characters actually do exist. Stephanie is your ass-kicking bounty hunter who gets sugar/chocolate cravings when hungry, when depressed and when she can't sleep properly. She's your everyday woman which a not-so-everyday-job. Then there's Joe Morelli, who is the definition of "hunky". The two characters make an awesome pair and each attempted love scene between them sends goosepimples down my spine and I sometimes find myself laughing with their quirky actions.

The everyday woman "Stephanie" is barely scraping by as a Bounty Hunter, paying her rent by bringing in FTAs (Failure to Appear). This is so real to me because she isn't written to be some super woman that suddenly becomes this awesome bounty hunter and becomes good in everything. She makes the mistakes that most women would make and she becomes successful at what she does.

I've been listening to Hot Six, which is the sixth volume of the series. I am so glad that there are 15 volumes so far, so at least I know I still have more to go!

Prior to this:

Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlene Harris.

This 9 volume series is my favourite fictional series! I can't get over this! Her 10th book will be available for purchase on May 10th, I'm wondering how long it would take for an audiobook to come out. I enjoy the voice actress for Sookie in the audiobooks so I might wait until an audiobook is available.

Sookie Stackhouse is a telepathic waitress. Shes blond, blue-eyed and gifted in the chest area. She works in a bar and wears tight black shorts and a tight white shirt. She could have any man except she'd have to listen to their minds all night, and in bed. So she opts to date vampires, who don't project their thoughts. The love triangle between Vampires Bill and Eric and Sookie was exciting. I personally would choose the cheeky vampire Eric over "I'm so mysterious and cool-Bill".

In one of the novels, Sookie meets a Weretiger called Quinn, ohhhhh i loved the two so much.

Vampires in the fictional town of Bon Temps have come out and have become widely accepted by society. Vampires have since become organised, which each area governed by groups of Vampires. Sookie, used for her telepathic abilities, helps solve murders and killings that keep taking place in Bon Temps.

I enjoy knowing about how Sookie can fight crime but still have sleepless nights about which guy she likes. PLUS on top of all the vampire/werewolf/fairy drama, she is still able to get a perfect tan.

I haven't watched this series on TV yet, I'm alittle hesitant to. You picture the characters in your head while you read the book and sometimes, the TV series uses characters that appear totally different to whats in your mind. It can ruin everything! I'm needing to though...

Prior to this: 

Vampire Dairies by L.J Smith.

This series was only okay to me. The series is based on Elena Gilbert, the most popular girl in school. She has a bunch of girls that follow and obey her every command. A handsome vampire arrives at her school. In case you're wondering how this Vampire "Stefan" would enter a school in daylight, any vampire that carries a lapis-lazuli stone can withstand sunlight but not without great effort. Then theres smoldering Damon that is intent on killing his brother Stefan and taking Elena for himself. I found this series to be abit boring, Elena is the prettiest girl in school, the specialist vampire, the most beautiful angel... shes too perfect and wayyyy too lovestruck with Stefan. It's almost cringeworthy each time Stefan and Elena are together... there's love and there's also too much love. 

This is just my opinion. There are six audio books in total, and initially i thought there was only 5 books, when I found out that there was a sixth book... I felt it was time to drop the series. It just didn't rock my world.

You can download and buy a WHOLE range of audiobooks at the iTunes website.Audiobooks at bookstores are lacking and don't have a range at all (if you can call 10 audiobooks a "range" in the first place).

Get your credit card ready and buybuybuy away!

STAY AWESOME

Green-eyed Monster

Jealousy is a sick thing, isn’t it?

 

It’s not attractive, it’s not wanted and it is definitely not something you want to be inflicted with. But yet, jealousy is all around us.

I am a woman so I can’t say I know too much about how jealousy affects a man. I assume jealousy arises (for a man) when his pride and possessions are under threat. So, if another man attempts to chat up a man’s woman, he will get jealous… often at the perpetrator AND at the woman herself. 

For a woman though, many MANY things can lead to jealousy. Big things like your colleagues promotion at work to more smaller menial things like your friend having a nice looking top that you know you could never afford. It’s not that you hate anyone, or want to act violently against anyone, it’s just that women get jealous because that item/thing/person is not within grasp.

I experience these things daily. Just now, in fact. I was at the gym this morning in my usual cycle class and a girl who was cycling in front of me, looked really hot. I don’t mean “sweaty and wet looking” hot, this girl was your “flicking-her-wavy-hair-back-sultry-and-sexy” hot. I don’t mean to perve but she was wearing very small shorts and she had a very tight toned butt. It’s hard not to look because it’s aimed at my face from all the “mountain-riding-get-off-your-seat” sections of the cycle class. And just as the sun rises and sets, I got jealous. I was jealous of her hair, of her nice shorts, of her tanned tight body and of her “fresh-at-the-gym-with-minimal-looking-makeup” face. Now, I’m not stupid of course, I know she has make up on. These types of girls would have make up on but because she’s so hot, one just doesn’t notice it.  Then near the end of class when I was panting and wishing I was dead, she rode that bike like she felt no pain at all. Again, I was jealous.

And again, whilst driving to work today, I was so hungry that I was shoving Sao biscuits down my throat. I even had a couple of Oreos as well, but that’s my dirty little secret. At the red light as I was chowing down, the car next to me was driven by a woman who was silently chomping on an apple. This prompted me to look at the carb-filled snack I had in my hand compared to the doctor-approved snack in her hand. What do you know… I got jealous. I threw my biscuit back into the sandwich bag… I even tied a knot in the bag as a precaution to my wondering and hungry hands. 

I tell you, I can create jealousy from everything. How about this, last week I was walking down the road to buy lunch and walked past a young asian girl with great hair. The type of hair that tickles my fancy is not your everyday “sleek-shiny-straight-flat-hair”, no way. I like big hair, curly, wavy, straight… as long as it’s big. This asian girl had big curly waves and it looked awesome on her… perhaps even more awesome on me. But, I didn’t have long and naturally voluptuous hair like hers and therefore I wouldn’t be able to achieve the same results, with the least amount of products anyway. Jealous. I could’ve bombed a whole country with all the jealousy I was emitting.

 So anyway, lately I got jealous of Mr V spending time with the boys on our planned long weekend together. I know I have nothing to be jealous of… I just am. Maybe I am so accustomed to jealous, that when there’s nothing to be jealous of… I’ll find anything to be jealous. Sorta like a crack junkie who needs a hit…

But I need to be the bigger man here, I am going to be the awesome girlfriend I am so I allowed him to go on this trip and I am not going to be jealous. Camping, drinking, getting smashed and fishing with all boys, I don’t think I would enjoy it but I am sure he would. Stopping him from doing what he wants to do would just be an attempt to control his life, which I would never want to do. I’ve been controlled before in a previous relationship and it isn’t pretty. I like this guy way too much to create anything that might damage what we have.

What we have is so unique, so mature. I absolutely luuuuurve it :)

STAY AWESOME

Fat chance saving money

I haven’t had the chance to properly sit down and relax for the last couple of days. I like to blog, in fact, I’m tempted to drop my things and write a nice big juicy blog but alas, it’s always not as simple. Oh, before I dive headforward into my bloggissue, I’m going to post my favourite part (it may not be yours, but it sure is for me…)

The “What-have-I-eaten-today” list:
- Oats (easily 2 servings as I was extra greedy today)
- Savoy Biscuits (easily over 2-3 handfuls of the stuff)
- Bread

It’s 1:45pm right now and of course, this list is no-where near complete. There’s still dinner tonight which is probably Lotus-Root soup, my mum’s best recipe and since I am the pig I am, I’ll probably indulge in some double chocolate Oreos. I hope that in 5 hours time, I grow some balls and resist the Oreos…
I demolished an entire column of Fruit Tingles yesterday and it seems I’ve injured the roof of my mouth. It’s damn annoying and reacts to any food I put in my mouth. God forbid I eat a lemon… I’m tempted to put my finger on my sore and rub at it, it is surprising comfortable to do. There’s a slight pain but it throbs and you feel like you want more. How could it have injured the roof of my tongue? While the majority of people enjoy chewing on Fruit Tingles, I am one of the few that like to suck on the fizzy candy until the middle dissolves and leaves a “ring”. It’s so fun but I’ve realised it’s bad for my health but my dentist will love me, I’ll put bread and water to his family table.

Won’t be having more of these for a while anyway…

How do you save money?

I’m earning peanuts compared to other people who are earning Picnic Bars, every week. I’m doing the same hours, perhaps more, and I work like a dog. So people with their picnic bars can spend up, buy new clothes, afford houses, buy investment properties: the phrase “the rich get richer” seem to be somewhat correct. Whereas people like me who walk around life holding only handfuls of peanuts at a time, can’t afford to do so much.

So last week I was a couple of hundred dollars richer…

Going out with Mr.V = $80.00
Weekly Food  = $60
Gym Membership  =$15
Petrol  = $50
2x Lipbalm  = $40
Car Payment  = $50

That’s already $300 gone. I have no new clothes, no sprucey new bag, no new shoes. Although I did in fact, have two new lip colours. But that’s not the point, I’m saying that I have no savings. I spend what I make and since I am already 23 years of age, shouldn’t I be running my own successful business right now? Shouldn’t I have hired 15 employees and actually love my work? Shouldn’t I have a few investment properties under my belt so that I could begin to retire at age 35?

I have all these big dreams, big goals to achieve and I know they are achievable! Anyone who has worked full-time can agree with me on this, by the time you get home from work, MORE work is definitely not on the menu. In fact, chocolate ice cream, oreos and spaghetti Bolognese is on the menu but not more work. I like to slouch down on the couch, hot water bottle on stomach and watch anything mildly worth keeping my eyes open on TV. I wonder if you can make money out of this?

Fat chance… ha!

9pm

I’ve walked around the house almost four times now wondering to myself “what the hell should I do?”. I’ve checked the cupboard, the fridge, the pantry, the computer and my CD collection. It’s too early to sleep but too late to do anything else.
 

Has anyone noticed that 9pm is time to BE doing something already rather than starting something new?

This of course excludes weekends. We all know how late a weekend night out starts...

Guess I’ll go put in a cd and watch it til my eyes burn... perhaps I’ll sleep like a baby then.

Facebook Relationship Statuses

You hear it everywhere. Newspapers claiming that employees are getting sacked for posting Facebook (FB) messages, statuses, photos and comments. We hear of people getting sack VIA FB and sometimes BECAUSE of FB. Online social networking sites have become a modern way of communication. It’s a time killing technique and damn entertaining at that.

 It seems that humans have become more simple, and easily satisfied. Someone posting “I’m having dinner now” would evoke tons of comments. A whole good 30 secs of entertainment. What’s even better than that? “Jane Smith is in a relationship” or “John Smith is no longer in a relationship”. It seems that people, including myself, are very very very interested in the love lives of other people, therefore evoking even more comments than the status before.

But what does it mean when your significant other refuses to change their status?

This phenomenon has baffled many people. It could mean several things: (I’m using “he” but it could mean he/she, I mean since I’m such a sexist person)

He does not want to appear attached.
This person still wants to keep their current lives, socially. This person wants to be able to go out anywhere with the ability to pick up the opposite sex without the lecture “oh… don’t you have a gf?”. By appearing single online, the chances of adding the facebook pages of the other sex will increase significantly. This person seems to want to keep his/her options open. This person will have no photos of their bf/gf in any of their display pictures or photo albums, photo tagging of any sort is “untagged” especially if it depicts his situation as “taken”.

He/she may not be ready to appear attached.
This is different to the above. This person is willing to change the status of his relationship but isn’t sure if he is ready to publically announce the relationship. He could have yet to cut the ties with an old flame, and therefore announcing the relationship with you would effectively end communication with the old flame. He could have just broken up publically and still sore from the reaction of people around him.

He/she is private.
This person is very sceptical of posting out personal information online for others to see. He believes that details within a relationship stay within the relationship. This person doesn’t not feel that he needs to show the world who he is attached with, not to appear single but for privacy reasons. This person may not actually exist, who is he, where is from, what does he look like? I’m only joking, its not to that extreme but you get what I mean.

He/she doesn’t know how to change it.
This person is a bullshit artist. Should be shot.

For those that haven’t experienced this phenomenon, these lists may appear hilarious and unreal but I’ll tell you that these actually do apply to the majority of people. How easy is it to “select” the right relationship status? Unless they have no hands or brainal function, I can’t see how this could happen.

A gesture so small can complicate so much.

How did you fix it?

Seaweed Addiction

I’ve re-discovered my addiction for seasoned seaweed. For some time now, I’ve forgotten its existence and have happily lived my life. But the bugger crept back into my life, and sent my tastebuds crazy with an addiction so strong, even crack couldn’t compare.

 You would see me waking up in the morning with a packet of 10 sachets of 5 (meaning each packet has 5 pieces of heaven-induced savouriness, and I would have 10 packets in each session). Sorry for the hard maths, people. Anyway, its so bad for my health. How can it be bad for my health? Well you see, while I’m driving I have one hand on the wheel attempting to open the little packets while the other hand is busily shoving it into my mouth. What’s worse? Sometimes when the packets don’t open accordingly, there are no hands on the wheel…

After noon hits, and I’ll be home after the gym with more seaweed. And the bin living happily under my work desk is constantly choking with seaweed wrappers. How – can – I – control – myself?

Which brings me to my next session of depression… who has self-control?

Miss A has heaps of self-control. I believe it’s a skill, a life reward that only a special few can receive. She has special-K cereal for breakfast, lunch and then follows with a healthy dinner. She does not reach out for sweet temptations or pool up saliva in her mouth when confronted with a whiff of chip. Using Miss A as an excuse, I lack all self-control. Heres why:

The wonderful “What-have-I-Eaten-Today” list:

- 2 bowls of Porridge

- 3 large scoops of chocolate ice cream

- 8 packets of seasoned seaweed

- Bowl of Oats with Bovril for taste

- Porridge for lunch

- BBQ corn kernels

Its only 1pm and I’ve already consumed enough food to feed a family of 3.

Thank god I’m attending gym after work, that would help hopefully to destroy some of those calories from entering my ass before it’s too late.

The weekend was lovely. A weekend with Mr V is always lovely. I’m so crazy in love that he could’ve dipped himself in manure and I still would’ve wanted to hug him. It’s hard to admit it but lately I’ve realised that I am, indeed, crazy in love. I wake up thinking about him, go to bed thinking about him and at work I’ve got my phone close to me praying to god that I get a message from him.

Being obsessive isn’t good either.

Should I play Lady Evangeline?

(For those who don’t know who Lady Evangeline is, she was Casanova’s love interest. She was, you could say, Casanova’s replica with female genitals. She was a mastermind at flirting and teasing and she was able to drag Casanova around by the balls.)

Bodypump Classes

I’ve kept myself motivated for exercising lately. For once, I’m proud of myself…

Here’s the What-Have-I-Eaten-Today List:
- Oats with Vegemite for taste
- Prawn sushi
- BBQ flavoured crunchy corn
- Sao biscuits
- Toasted pita bread chips

Here’s the What-I-Should-Have-Eaten List:
-

As you can see, I was supposed to have nothing… that was a big failed purpose, wasn’t it?

I laid in bed for an extra 10 minutes contemplating whether or not I should go to the gym this morning. I thought “Should I go? I went yesterday… I think I could take a break.” But then I rebutted “If I don’t go today, I’m going to lose the momentum and I’ll get lazy.” And then I justified with “and plus I ate so much yesterday.” I rolled around in bed and closed my eyes “but I’m so tired…”.

The next thing I did was the hardest thing I’d done in the whole entire day.

I got out of bed.

The Bodypump class that I attended was good. It was the first time I’d attended a class with a male instructor. I used to do Bodypump classes every Tuesday at my gym but I can never get over the fact that it doesn’t make me sweat hence, I am not burning calories… more correctly, I am not burning the shit I put in my mouth earlier. Sure, my muscles burn during class but I walk out of class without having to wipe my face, neck or chest. I just don’t feel challenged enough.

I know Bodypump classes are designed to get you toned, lean and reduce your fat %, the class is supposedly suppose to work everyone of your muscle groups. Honestly I love the class, it is exciting and fun! The music is catchy to boot! However, during a class of Bodyattack (for those who don’t indulge in body-battering-gym, this is similar to aerobics) I come out feeling wetter than fat kid on a treadmill. I feel sore, oh sooo sore and I love it.

I was told that during Bodypump sessions, you should be using light weights as it’s all about muscle endurance. During one of my earliest experiences with Bodypump, I opted for heavier weights as I thought that it would burn more calories, and not to mention the fact that every other person in the room had 2-3 weights on their bars. My measly little 1.25kg made me feel like a pussy.

All this talking about the gym is getting me turned on for more working out…

I’m withdrawaling from gym already… 

toilets; questionable as always

For those with weak-girl-like-stomaches, please refrain from reading the next paragraph. Now that you have been adequately warned… I want to blow your minds with a question that has been bobbing around in my head.

How long does it take for a girl to comfortably do a poo at a guy’s house?

I’ve done a few surveys and I’ve come to a conclusion that there are three different categories that most girls are divided into. Look, you may happen to be one of the rare few freaks that don’t fit into these categories, you should let me know cos you maybe one in a million.

So the first in these categories is the “Perfect Girlfriend”: she shits flowers, contains no bodily gases and body odour seems to slide off her skin. These types of girls wait until the perfect moment when she is alone to do a shit. She could hold it in for as long as half the day in order to exert the image of being the shitless one. She would bolt to the toilet as soon as her boyfriend hits the showers (here I’m assuming that showers and toilets are in two different rooms). She could bolt to the toilet when her boyfriend decides to begin cooking dinner. She could also run a toilet trip during the deep dark hours of the night when her boyfriend is sound asleep, oblivious to any toiletry sounds. For these girls, a can of toilet mist is your bestfriend.

Next in these categories is the “Shy Girlfriend”: she cracks jokes every time she makes bodily music to either camouflage the fact that she “let one off” or to make herself appear nonchalant. This girl produces a bodily noise accidently and panics internally hoping that it wasn’t heard. To offset this risk, she jokes about it so that they both laugh and prays all is forgotten. She, like the “Perfect Girlfriend”, will wait until the moment when their significant other is busily distracted in order to do the deed.

Thirdly and lastly, we have the “Bold Girlfriend”. In my person world, this type of girl is grotty, makes me shiver in disgust just thinking about it. She burps after food loudly, then follows to laugh about it, she might even wave it in your face. She would think its funny, but I think not. This girl farts more openly than a gay man at a gay parade. This girl would take a shit with the door open or take a shit when her boyfriend is in the shower (here I’m assuming the shower and toilet are in the same room). This girl is absolutely comfortable with the person she is with, it’s a case of “take me as I am, not who I can be”. I admire these girls but definitely would not want to be with one.

It took me quite a while to comfortably relieve myself at my partners place. I mean, come to think of it, I still don’t think I’m quite over it yet. Its been years and years now, and I find myself “Perfect Girlfriending” myself out. I never use the toilet when he’s taking a shower though, as the bathroom is right next door… the walls are so thin that I could probably hear a pin drop. Perhaps this anxiety regarding the toilet stems from my fear of girls who are “Bold Girlfriends”. I absolutely hate girls who burp around me and fart around me. In fact, I’m deathly afraid of them. Call me OCD, call me crazy but I can’t change who I am. However, I’m not one of those girly-girls either, don’t get me wrong! I’ll talk about shit, swearing, sex, hairy armpits etc with ease but I don’t want the methane of other people on me.

I don’t think that my inability to comfortably relieve myself in front of my partner means that I am not comfortable with him. I’m just not comfortable with myself…perhaps.

What about you?

Stay Awesome!

Pickups - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Reminiscing

Ever had a really memorable pick up? Ever had one so bad that you wanted to crack your shot glass against the club bar and plunge the damn thing into the unsuspecting guy’s eye?

I was sitting at my desk (to be fair, I AM sitting at my desk now but the reminiscing occurred before…thus I will use past tense) thinking back to the days when I clubbed as much as I drank water. Alcohol was my water, actually. Miss K and I were inseparable, we’d be out every Friday and every Saturday and/or Thursdays if there was special events on. We’d don our smallest, skimpiest outfits and party the night away. After being in the club scene for so long, I’ve had my fair share of pickups, some good, some funny, some scary and some just plain annoying.

One of the best pickups I’ve experienced belonged to an Asian guy at the bar. See during the night, I would have shitloads of tequila shots, 151 shots and vodka shots. That day, I specifically remember going to the bar for some water, as I was dangerously dehydrated. I leaned against the counter waiting for the barmaid to finish the guy (in front of me)’s order. The guy moved aside, handed me a shot and said “have a nice day” then walked off. To this day, I ,shit you not, remember him. That act of generosity and mystery intrigued me all night, although I never went to look for him or vice versa. I think this tops the list of pickup techniques.

Mr V’s pickup was one of the best, hence why I decided to go out with him in the first place. That particular night, I was feeling a little frisky, a little daring and a  little tipsy. Miss K and I partied at BLVD nightclub on a Saturday night and as usual I scanned the room for eye-candy. Miss K reported back with a couple of “nah, nope, eww, nah, not tall enough, too ugly…”, then I noticed a tall-ish guy with spikey hair (I have a panty-dropping weakness for spikey hair) looking directly at me. Usually I drop my gaze, from embarrassment but tonight I was very tipsy, and I decided to achieve the art of eye-sexing. This worked wonders, most of the night consisted of hot stares across the room to each other and then me sweating my skin off due to embarrassment. At long last, he ventured over with a beer jug…yes that’s right…a beer JUG and motioned me over for a chat. We chatted useless things but while he spoke with his breath in my ear, I wanted to ravish him on the floor. He bought me no drink, gave me no kiss, hinted at no sleaziness… yet it left me lingering for more.

Now, one of the worst pickups I have experienced involved a Korean man who used to be a male model. I know I know… it is exactly what you are thinking! Self-centered cunt thought he was quite a ‘sure win’, he thought he was every woman’s fantasy. Sure he had a pretty good looking face, and a pretty mad body and I guess if he never opened his mouth, I would have a different opinion of him. This is pretty much how our encounter was:

*Dances up against me*
Korean: Hey. You look hot.
Me: Nah, I don’t.
Korean: Wanna dance?
Me: Um… I’m with my friends right now. I’m sorry I can’t.
Korean: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Um… yes (I didn’t, but to get away, I said I did)
Korean: Why isn’t he here with you? You need to be with someone like me.
Me: Um…thanks but it’s okay.
*touches my necklace and moves realllyyyyy close*
Korean: Don’t miss out on this chance, I am a Korean lawyer.

At this point, I felt my eyebrows arch up and a look of disbelief take over my face. Can people say this? Do people say this stuff? Do people exist like this?

And if it couldn’t get worse, here comes his ex-girlfriend into the picture:

*grabs my shoulder and pushes me away from him like I was some slutface that glued onto her partner like a barnacle to a ship*

Apparently they’re broken up but she obviously wasn’t over it. But that’s not the point, the point is that I wanted no part in it. SHE could have him… I wouldn’t want to touch him at all.

It’s the end of work now, I’m getting up to leave.

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!

The unhealthy shit I put in my mouth

This post has been sitting on my computer for awhile now. Why is it sitting on my computer? I thought I might put an updated “what-I’ve-eaten-today” list to delight myself, and disgust myself…

The “What-I’ve-Eaten-Today” List goes like this today:

-Wholegrain Bread with Vegemite

-A couple of SAO’s crackers

-Minestrone Soup with Champignon mushrooms

-Gingerbread Wall#2 (of the Gingerbread house) (for wall#1 see previous post)

-Cadbury Crème Egg

-Wholegrain bread with Vegemite again

-Canned Fruit – Mango and Peach

*stands back to admire the list*

That seems like variety to me. Sadly, the list doesn’t end here as I still have dinner to attend. Daddy’s making some ultra yummers stuff and I can’t wait to run back for it.

Went to the gym today for my usual Bodyattack class, in comparison to the shit that I put in my mouth, the exercise has probably gone to waste. That’s the problem with people like me, look, there are different catagories of people:

1. Those who go to the gym to be healthy.

2. Those who go to the gym because of how much they eat.

3. Those who go to the gym for a perve.

I clearly fall into category 2. I feel especially motivated to go gym, not because I want to be a bloody health nut, but generally because I am regretting what I just ate before/yesterday night/day before/right now. Regret seems to be my motivation.

Regretful Scenario

Me: Hey I’m home.

*opens fridge* (this is a routine task)

Me: Oh… timtams… packet already opened…

*pulls out timtam just to take a look and observes its texture, its fragrant aroma, its chocolatey taste…*

Me: Oh shit, I’ve already eaten half of it. Its too much of a waste to throw it away, too gross to leave it in the fridge. I’m sure ONE timtam won’t count, maybe my body won’t notice the chocolate and pass it right through.

*looks around*

Me: No ones around, now quickly eat it. Calories don’t count if no one sees me.

*Finishes timtam, begins regretting process*

Me: Oh damn! I’ll start my dieting again tomorrow. I promise. I’ll go for an hour long walk, hit the gym, not eat breakfast, lunch or dinner. In that case… I may as well eat another then…

In fact, I am grazing out of the canned fruit right as I type. The regretting process is on its way…